


how blood dries, how wounds heal

by nerdbird26



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Past Child Abuse, Trans Yamaguchi Tadashi, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:06:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24301063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdbird26/pseuds/nerdbird26
Summary: The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.After Yamaguchi and Tsukishima’s relationship starts to grow and flourish, a long forgotten pest enters their garden.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 59





	1. Someone New

**Author's Note:**

> This fic takes place after my last fic (that’s the moral of the story, babe) and some parts of that story will be featured in this story so it’s recommended that you read that one first. Also, I’ll be putting warnings for sensitive content in the beginning notes of every chapter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Would things be easier if there was a right way?  
> Honey, there is no right way.

The week flies past slowly and gradually. Peaceful like a brisk walk in the park. After the talk and heartfelt realization at Yamaguchi’s house, the new couple has been taking things slowly. “Couple.” The word sends happy jitters up their spines when they think it. Because that’s what they are, a happy couple, hand in hand and madly in love.

Since Monday, the two have been normal during practice, as if no fight had broken out between the two in the first place. The volleyball team is settled when they see them acting as close as ever, finally at peace that the pair had not been forever ruined. Sugawara, the only team member to know about Yamaguchi’s feelings towards Tsukishima, keeps an eye out for them. From his observations, they seem to be acting as they usually would, so he figures that Yamaguchi had managed to move on and remain as just friends. He feels a twinge of pity for him, but quickly pushes it aside.

The team practices, preparing for a practice match with Nekoma next week. Everyone is steadily improving on all their skills, especially Yamaguchi who seems to have found a new pep in his step. As the week draws closer to an end, they are relieved with the lack of injuries, physical or emotional, and excited with the new surge of energy within every player.

It’s a normal late Thursday afternoon, and the team walks as a group through their usual route home. They make a stop at Ukai’s store to buy some meat buns to celebrate for a good day of practice (which, admittedly, has been everyday for the past week, but Daichi chooses this day because he’s feeling generous). 

The captain hands them out to the other members waiting outside the store, which they all happily take. Tanaka and Nishinoya consume theirs immediately. The rest eat theirs at a regular pace as they stroll through the familiar neighborhood. Every so often, Hinata will make a comment about the upcoming practice match or how Kageyama hasn’t been so stingy with him. The setter will swipe for a handful of Hinata’s hair, to which the ginger dodges. They go at this for a while before Yamaguchi loudly clears his throat, silencing the entire group.

“So, I have something to say,” Yamaguchi begins. Synchronized, they all stop and turn to the pinch server. They’re curious to what he has to announce so suddenly, and Yamaguchi feels a slight jolt of anxiety at all the attention. He glances a look at the tall blonde next to him, looking for his signal. When Tsukishima gives him a subtle wry smile, Yamaguchi smiles back.

The two have been discussing when they should finally let the cat out of the bag. Yamaguchi had been fretting over this for the past few days, but Tsukishima had reassured him that it would be fine. Their teammates were good, accepting people, and even if the news was shocking, they wouldn’t be upset. He agreed, and they both decided to tell them when the time felt right. And so, here they are.

“Tsukki and I are... dating.”

There’s a pregnant pause afterwards. The night air is suddenly heavy with shock. All the once curious faces looking at them now have wide eyes and raised eyebrows. The first to (almost) speak is Hinata, who opens his mouth to say something, not realizing that it was full of food, and starts choking. Kageyama suddenly snaps to attention and smacks his back at an attempt to save him.

“Guys! That’s so great!” Daichi exclaims. Tanaka nods in agreement as he wraps his arms around Yamaguchi and shakes him around like a proud older brother. Noya runs over to Tsukishima’s side and pats him on the back. Asahi gives them a smile as he clasps both hands over his heart. 

“Surprised that Tsukishima actually managed to find love. I didn’t know you had it in you,” Kageyama jeers, still slapping Hinata’s back.

“Maybe if you learned to hold your tongue more often, then you would find love, too,” Tsukki fires back with a sarcastic smile on his face.

“Gwaah! You guys are gonna be so cute!” Hinata cheers when he finally stops choking. “Yamaguchi, promise to make me the best man at your wedding?”

Yamaguchi giggles. “I’ll think about it, Hinata.”

“When did you start dating, if you don’t mind me asking?” Suga questions.

“Saturday, I guess, is when we ‘officially’ started dating,” Tsukishima answers. He also shoots Hinata an odd look when he mentions a wedding.

“I’m surprised you didn’t notice anything, considering how observant you are,” Daichi whispers to Sugawara. He jokingly prods him in the side with his elbow.

“I’m surprised, too,” Suga mutters back.

“If I may, let’s get one thing straight-“ Tanaka begins until he’s interrupted by a few muffled giggles and a certain libero saying “too late.” He glares at him for a second before continuing. “If you ever break our little freckled pinch server’s heart, Tsukishima, then you are dead.”

“Yeah! Dead, dead, dead,” Hinata pipes up.

“Dead as hell!” Noya chimes in.

“What?! Why am I suddenly being attacked? You guys were congratulating us just a second ago!” Tsukishima sputters.

Yamaguchi laughs wholeheartedly beside him. The blonde momentarily ignores the sudden threats to appreciate and savor his boyfriend’s joy at the situation. The corners of his lips involuntarily turn up as he looks at him with soft eyes.

“Alright, guys. This has been a really sweet moment, but it’s getting late and you still have school tomorrow,” Daichi announces. “So go home and get some sleep!”

“Alright, Daichi,” Asahi says timidly as he begins walking. Nishinoya and Tanaka trail behind him, giggling to themselves. “Sure thing, dad!” They shout when they’re almost out of sight.

The second group to depart is the freak duo when Hinata dares Kageyama to a race. They take off almost immediately, leaving a cloud of dust behind them. They disappear even faster than the other three.

Sugawara and Daichi take their own route home and withdraw from the couple after a quick goodbye and a final congratulations. The last two walk home, taking in the glowing moon and stars in the navy blue night sky above them. Even though Yamaguchi’s house is already coming into view, Tsukishima boldly reaches down to hold his hand as they walk, relishing at how Yamaguchi blushes at the contact.

They arrive at Yamaguchi’s house, and he let’s go of his hand. He feels a little empty at the loss of touch, but soon sparks up again when Yamaguchi stands on his tiptoes to give him a light peck on the cheek. Being more pale, his blush is obviously more noticeable, which makes him even more embarrassed.

“I’m happy we got to finally tell them,” Yamaguchi says. Tsukishima, still in shock from the sudden kiss, only smiles and nods. “Well, text me when you get home. Goodnight, Tsukki!”

“G’night,” he mutters back. As he walks away to go to his own home, he peers over his shoulder to take one last look at the slowly disappearing house. Something in his heart flutters when he sees Yamaguchi looking back at him two. They smile at each other. Yamaguchi doesn’t enter his house until Tsukki is entirely out of sight.

Inside, his mother has already set the table with food. He greets her and rushes to his room to get ready for dinner. After quickly changing out of his school uniform, he wanders back into the small dining area and takes a seat on the ground around the low table. They eat peacefully as his mother asks him about school, volleyball, and Tsukishima. Most of the questions are about him, of course.

“It’s so nice that you two found each other, Tadashi. He’s a sweet boy.”

“Thanks, mom. He is, he really is.”

“Well, that’s good. I’m just happy that you’re happy,” she says, smiling wide at him. Then, something in her smile falters. In that same moment, she suddenly looks sad.

“Is everything okay, mom?” Yamaguchi ponders.

“Um, sure. Everything is fine now,” she answers, looking down at her plate and picking at her food.

“Now?”

She suddenly puts her chopsticks down and sets her hands in her lap. She doesn’t look up at Yamaguchi. He furrows his brows at her.

“I only found out yesterday, Tadashi. I’m sorry.”

“Found out about what? You’re making me worried.” The mystery is sending unpleasant chills up his spine. He puts his utensils down, too, and fidgets with his hands. It feels like another failed confession.

“Your father. He’s coming to visit us tomorrow. And he’ll be staying for a week.”

Yamaguchi’ heart drops. He feels a cold wave pass over him like a ghost. The feeling is terribly familiar, like a rejection of love.


	2. Angel of Small Death and The Codeine Scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calling to join them the wretched and joyful  
> Shaking the wings of their terrible youths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: (implied/referenced) past abuse, transphobia, homophobia

Yamaguchi's knees nearly hit the edge of the table when he gets up from the spot on the ground. The quivering begins in the tips of his fingers and it steadily flows through his arms and to his entire body. It’s like his anxiety is traveling through his bloodstream. He stares blankly at a certain point on the carpet beneath him. He’s breathing roughly through his nose, scared to even open his mouth.

“Honey, I know it’s terrible news for you to hear, but it’ll only be a week-long visit,” his mother attempts to reassure.

“Tomorrow, you said? He’s coming tomorrow?” Yamaguchi shakes as he asks the question. It’s been years since he'd last seen his father. His parents had split up when he was in the fourth grade, and Yamaguchi admits that he’s probably part of the reason why. It’s not like that fact gets him down. He honestly couldn’t care less where his father is right now, but that fact that he’s coming to visit so soon after such a long time makes him sick to his stomach.

“Yes. If I would have known sooner, I would have warned you earlier, but—“

“Can’t I just stay at Tsukki’s place? Or at least just at night? I don’t think I can’t stand to see him again, mom.” He fidgets with his shaking fingers, intertwining then with the sleeves of his sleep shirt.

His mother stands up and walks over to him. She stands a few inches shorter than him but still has to tilt Yamaguchi’s head up so he’s looking at her instead of the ground. “If things go too sour, then you can stay with him. But you’ll be at school for most of the day anyway, so you’ll only be seeing him after school.”

She’s right, Yamaguchi thinks. Realistically, he’ll only have to put up with him for a few hours a day. And if things really get out of hand, he’ll just run over to Tsukki’s place. His mother’s rational side reminds him of Sugawara, and he smiles. Suddenly, a bitter thought crosses his mind.

“He’ll probably be upset when he sees me, though. Right?” He says, signaling to his entire body. When his parents were still together, Yamaguchi started to go through a “phase” in elementary school where he would cut his own hair with safety scissors in the bathroom and refuse to wear any of the skirts they bought him. His mother, the more caring and open-minded parent of the pair, realized what was going on long before her husband. His father just assumed that he was going through some sort of rebellious tomboy phase until Yamaguchi had actually brought up his gender confusion to them. He had locked him in his room and kept him in there until he had “gotten that nonsense out of his head.”

After their divorce, his mother started changing Yamaguchi’s wardrobe and hair to fit his appeal. During his years of junior high he was put on puberty blockers, and by the summer before high school started, he was taking testosterone. His father was never told about any of the changes, and Yamaguchi intended on keeping it that way. Until now.

“If it makes you feel any better, I kinda already told him about it over the phone.”

“And what did he say?”

There’s an uncomfortable pause. His mother bites her lip, thinking before she speaks. “Not much, really. All he said was ‘oh.’ It didn’t seem angry, but... I can’t be certain.”

He sighs heavily, resting his head on his mother’s shoulder. His arms lazily wrap around her in a soft embrace. In the few moments of silence, there’s a shared feeling of thankfulness from Yamaguchi to her and worry from his mother to him.

“Remember, Tadashi. I’ll be right behind you through all of this,” she says, lovingly stroking her son’s messy hair.

“You always have been,” he replies, his voice slightly muffled against her shoulder.

“Exactly. And you’ll have Tsukki and the rest of your friends, too.”

Yamaguchi hums in agreement. After a few minutes, he pulls himself away from his mother and excuses himself to his room. There, he stands in the center, dissociating. Several thoughts bombard his mind.

_He’s going to hate you. He’s going to be disgusted and disappointed. He’ll hit you. Lock you in your room like a child. Why is he even coming to visit you in the first place? Does he want to laugh at you? Mock you? Hurt you?_

_No. Stop it. It’s fine. It’s only a few hours a day. It’s only a week. You’ll have your mom with you. And Tsukki. And the team. It doesn’t matter what he says. It doesn’t matter what he thinks. It doesn’t matter. He does not matter. It’s going to be fine._

He repeats it over and over again like a broken record. When he finally crawls into bed, the thoughts stick to the walls of his brain until it’s the last thing he thinks of when he falls asleep.

-/-/-

Harsh early morning light peeks through his blinds and creates thin golden lines across his bedroom walls. Yamaguchi squints his eyes to look around and sighs, irritated about having to go to school. Being a Friday, he should be a lot happier, but then he realizes that he’ll have to spend the weekend with his burning trash pile of a father. He forces himself up and gets ready for school.

After the usual routine, he takes his phone away from the charger and quickly scans over the unread message left by Tsukki last night saying that he got home safe. He tucks the phone away in his pocket and is ready to walk out the door to meet with Tsukki before his mother stops him.

“Tadashi. We’ll be meeting your father at the train station right after school. I’ll be waiting outside right after you finish your practice.”

The anxiety from last night returns. Unpleasant goosebumps suddenly crawl along his back as it dawns on him once more. He turns to look at his mother, who wears a sympathetic smile on her face.

_I’ll be right behind you through all of this._

He’s reminded of her words, and the corners of his lips automatically turn upwards. “Sure, mom. Have a nice day.”

As he turns to leave, mom stops him again, latching on to his arm. “You’re very brave, Tadashi. Remember that.”

Yamaguchi let’s out a little gasp, and his heart twists. He smiles once more. “I will. Love you, mom.” 

When she let’s go of his arm, Yamaguchi walks outside and slides the door behind him. Looking in the distance, he sees a tall, blonde figure already standing a few yards ahead of him, hand on his hip, waiting. His bag bounces against his back as he races forward to catch up with Tsukishima. When he finally meets up with him on the pathway, he nearly trips forward from the sudden change in speed. If it weren’t for Tsukki catching the back of his school jacket, he would have smacked straight into the ground.

“Geez, you have way too much energy this morning.” It would have been a complaint if it weren’t for Tsukki’s underlying laughter as he said it. Yamaguchi laughs along with him as he rights himself up.

“Sorry, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi fumbles around with Tsukishima’s hand until their fingers interlock perfectly. He absentmindedly strokes his thumb along his boyfriend’s skin. It seems like a sweet sign of affection that almost goes unnoticed by Tsukki at first, but to Yamaguchi, it’s a nervous tick. He repeats the conversation from last night over in his head. 

His mother had mentioned how Tsukki and all his friends would be there to support him, but Yamaguchi suddenly realizes that his friends don’t even know about his dad. His childhood has always been a repressed part of his memory that’s never brought up in conversations or even asked about by his friends. But not even Tsukishima, his longtime childhood best friend and now boyfriend, knows about it. It startles him a little, thinking about how there’s an entire chunk of his life that’s unknown to his closest friend. 

“Tsukki, did you ever know my dad?”

“Huh?” Tsukki nearly stops in his tracks at the sudden question. Yamaguchi immediately wants to slap himself for blurting out such a weird comment out of nowhere.

“Uh, sorry. It’s probably an odd question.” He nervously scratches the back of his neck with his other hand.

“It’s not odd, it just came out of nowhere. But, no. I’ve never met your dad. I think your parents were already divorced when I first met you. Why do you ask?” Tsukki peers down at his boyfriend with curious golden eyes. Yamaguchi nearly gets lost in them as he stares back, but forces himself to focus.

“He’s coming to visit us for a week. I have to be at the train station right after practice to meet him.”

Tsukishima mindlessly hums in response, looking back at the path ahead. “Sounds nice.”

Yamaguchi’s grip tightens for just a second. A bitter taste forms on the back of his tongue. He shouldn’t feel so appalled since Tsukki doesn’t even know his father and has no ill intent, but he still frowns at the words.

“It’s not, actually.”

Tsukishima takes his eye off the road and gives Yamaguchi his full attention. He stops, still holding on to the other’s hand, and pulls Yamaguchi to a stop, too. His expression is apologetic, brows furrowed and mouth slightly parted. He almost looks horrified with himself, regretting his careless words.

“Shit. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have presumed that... dammit. I’m sorry.” He rubs the bridge of his nose, pushing up his glasses in the process. His face is flushed, presumably out of embarrassment, but maybe out of anger, too.

“It’s alright, Tsukki. You didn’t know. Barely anyone knows about my dad. I’m not upset.” Yamaguchi tugs at his hand, hoping to catch his eye and smile at him. “C’mon, let’s keep walking.”

“Sure,” Tsukki mumbles, his hand still half-covering his face with shame. He follows Yamaguchi through the familiar path to school. The building is already coming into view in the distance. “So, I’m guessing you’re not happy about seeing your dad.”

“No, not really.”

“Bad history?” Tsukki asks, pulling Yamaguchi an inch closer to him. “You don’t have to tell me if it’s too personal.”

“Yeah, I’ll tell you more about it eventually. But I haven’t seen my dad since I was ten, and we left off on a sour note. I don’t really care about him at all, but just thinking about seeing him again is really nerve-wracking.”

“Hm. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Yamaguchi ponders on Tsukishima’s offer for a minute. In reality, there isn't much that he can actually do besides letting him stay at his place until his dad leaves after a week. The option seems unnecessary considering that he'll be at school most of the time, and he doesn't want to be a bother to Tsukishima and his family. Instead, he thinks of a way to soften the initial blow. Something that will make the impact of seeing his father after all these years a little less painful.

"My mom is going to drive me to the train station to pick him up. Would you mind coming with us?" He turns to look up at Tsukishima with big, pleading eyes. "I'd feel a lot safer if you were there."

Tsukki returns the look with a comforting grin. "Of course, Tadashi. Anything for you."

Yamaguchi feels something flutter in his chest when he hears Tsukki say his first name. It's not as if he hasn't said it before, but hearing it with such a tender tone coming from his boyfriend's smiling lips makes him grow warm all over. He beams at him, pressing himself even closer to Tsukki's side. Muffled by Tsukishima's jacket, he whispers, "Thank you."

-/-/-

Volleyball practice goes by relatively smoothly. Daichi only has to stop Kageyama from yanking on Hinata's hair once, and Nishinoya crashes into a wall when performing his famous "Rolling Thunder", which isn't an abnormal occurrence. The only other odd thing that occurs during practice is Yamaguchi's overall sudden shakiness. All the other members, besides Tsukishima, are confused by the abrupt change in behavior, especially after the phenomenal work he did yesterday. Eventually, Hinata, overcome with his usual curiosity, approaches Tsukishima to ask about it.

"Hey, Stingyshima! What's going on with your boyfriend? He seems nervous about something. Is it the practice match with Nekoma?" Hinata puzzles, rubbing the sore spot on his head that got tugged on by Kageyama.

Tsukishima scowls at Hinata's little annoying face. His head is craned to the side and his hazel eyes are peering up at him, prying. Tsukki notes that he looks like a lost puppy begging for food. "It's none of your business, shrimp. And 'my boyfriend' still has a name." He walks away from him and heads over to Yamaguchi on one side of the court. Behind him, he can hear Hinata blow a raspberry in his direction.

Yamaguchi serves a ball, attempting to execute a float serve. The ball glides through the air across the court but drops before reaching the other side of the net. He huffs, sending the few strands of hair on his forehead flying upward. Tsukishima can't help but smirk at his subtle exasperation. He approaches him and plays with the flyaway piece on the top of his hair that Yamaguchi finds annoying, but he finds absolutely adorable.

"Good job, Yams."

"Yams?" Yamaguchi grins at him, his nose scrunched up in confusion.

"Yeah, Yams. You have a cute nickname for me. Can't I have one for you?" Tsukishima snakes his arm around Yamaguchi's waist, making the freckled boy flush red.

"Nicknames aren't your thing. Stick with Tadashi. I like it better." Yamaguchi turns his face away to hide his blush.

"Okay, Tadashi it is," Tsukishima whispers right into Yamaguchi's ear. He feels his boyfriend quiver while pressed against him. He glances once around the room to make sure no one is paying attention to them. In a sudden rush of adrenaline, he bends down and presses a kiss to Yamaguchi's temple.

"Lovebirds!" The background noise of the busy gym is shattered in a second when Daichi yells at them. "Focus! Tsukishima, let Yamaguchi work on his float serves. You should be practicing, too!"

"Yeah, Stingyshima! Don't slack off!" Hinata echos.

"Hey, Kageyama. Do me a favor and pull on Hinata's hair again," Tsukishima calls out to the setter on the other side of the court. Yamaguchi giggles beside him. Tsukki glances down at him, and whispers, "Hey, don't worry about later today. I'll be right there with you."

Yamaguchi stares up at him like he just told him he would die for him. He beams, his cheeks still red from the kiss. His freckles stand out like glowing stars. "Okay, Tsukki!" Satisfied, Tsukishima unwraps his arm from his boyfriend's waist and picks up his own ball to practice his serves. From the other side of the court, a shrill voice belts out "Rolling Thunda!", followed by a crash. They both glance over at the same time to see Nishinoya pretzeled against a wall.

"Noya, please don't hurt yourself!" Asahi frets.

"That was so cool, Yuu!" Tanaka cheers.

"Noya-senpai! Teach me!" Hinata squeals.

The two of them attempt to ignore the commotion and continue practicing while holding in their laughter.

Tsukishima is at least satisfied seeing Yamaguchi more relaxed. He even manages to get a few successful float serves over the net. Even though his own parents are divorced, he’s lucky enough that his dad and the rest of his family are still on somewhat good terms. He catches a quick glance over at his boyfriend and wonders what could have made their relationship so painful. Yamaguchi has always been a kind yet sensitive person. And he’s known that Yamaguchi has had bullies and other terrible people infecting his life. Tsukishima almost can’t bear to meet another one of those people.

-/-/-

After practice has ended and the gym has been cleaned up, the team members pile out of the building. Hinata and Kageyama linger behind in an attempt to do more practicing, but Daichi pulls them out and forces them to go home and rest. Tsukki and Yamaguchi stay behind at the school grounds while the rest of the team goes home for the weekend. Once everyone is out of sight, Tsukishima turns to Yamaguchi.

"Are you still nervous?"

Yamaguchi sighs, hands in his pocket and shoes poking around at the ground. "A little." He pouts a little, thinking. If the situation wasn't so serious, Tsukishima would probably laugh at how cute he looks. "Is it okay if I tell him that you're... just a friend? He's always been really closed-minded and I don't want this to be another reason for him to judge me."

"Yeah, it's fine. I don't mind if it makes you feel safe." Tsukishima wishes his voice wasn't so monotone. To show his affection, he throws an arm over Yamaguchi's shoulder and kisses the top of his head. He admits that he's never been good at physical affection, but he's willing to try for Yamaguchi's sake. When the freckled teen chuckles and automatically nuzzles closer to Tsukki, the blonde smiles.

Eventually, a pair of shining headlights from the distance approach them. They recognize the vehicle as Yamaguchi's mother's car and walk towards it once it stops in front of the school. Yamaguchi opens the back car door and greets his mother. She turns in her seat and sees Tsukishima awkwardly waiting behind her son and immediately smiles. Before she can open her mouth to say hello, Yamaguchi is already speaking up.

"Mom, I invited Tsukki to come with us to the train station. Is that alright?"

"Oh, of course! I don't mind, Tadashi," she says sweetly. Yamaguchi smiles and climbs into the back seats with Tsukishima following behind. Yamaguchi's mother turns her head to face the tall blonde. "It's nice to see you again, Tsukishima. You hardly visit us, but Tadashi says so much about you anyway!"

Tsukishima side-eyes Yamaguchi and smirks, cherishing the fact that he talks about him. Before they started dating, he would hate it when Yamaguchi bragged about him to other people, but now he can't help but feel a little honored. Yamaguchi hides his redden face with a hand and asks his mom to stop the conversation and drive.

The drive to the train station is quiet. Both boys sit silently in the back seat, still uncomfortable from the lingering sweat from their practice. Yamaguchi tries to ignore the new layer of perspiration forming on the back of his neck. He attempts to distract himself by looking up at the array of blended colors in the sunset sky, but can't seem to stop his legs and hands from shaking. Instead, he looks over at Tsukishima, hand under his chin, also admiring the view from the car window. He notices how the multitude of colors in the sky reflects off his glasses, how his blonde hair falls lazily over his forehead, how his fingers absentmindedly tap on the side of his face. He's overcome with a sudden wave of comfort, thankful that Tsukishima is willing to stand beside him.

The car finally arrives at the train station. After parking, they pile out of the car and head over to the main platform to wait for the train's arrival. Yamaguchi's mother informs them that his father's train should arrive in under half an hour. They wait, privately going over all their worries and concerns in their own heads. None of them speak, but the tension makes it obvious. They're afraid.

After roughly twenty minutes of waiting, the whistling of an oncoming train signals its arrival to the station. The three of them perk up at attention as it pulls into view and eventually stops at the tracks in front of them. A few seconds later, the doors open and crowds of people trickle out of the train.

Tsukishima has never seen Yamaguchi's father, however, when the tall, thin man with messily trimmed off-brown hair steps off the train, he identifies him immediately. The man, wearing a visibly wrinkled suit and holding a single suitcase, notices the three of them and heads over. When he draws closer, Tsukishima sees a neutral frown on his face. He glances down at Yamaguchi and notices how he sidesteps an inch closer to him. He also catches how his hands almost reach up to take a hold of his own, but he doesn't, instead choosing to shove them in his pockets.

The man approaches their group and sighs, wearily dropping his luggage at his feet. Upon further inspection, Tsukishima notices a spot on his neck that is covered in freckles. It disgusts him, knowing that one of the things he loves most about Yamaguchi derives from his father.

“Yua,” he speaks, lazily bowing to Yamaguchi’s mother. She bows back in respect, but wears an obvious grimace as she does. It’s a sharp contrast to her usual gentle smile and soft demeanor. Yamaguchi and Tsukishima find it off-putting, but Yamaguchi’s father sees no difference. He then turns to his son.

“Yamaguchi.” He does not bow, and neither does Yamaguchi. There’s a definite sting to the fact that he called him by his family name instead of Tadashi. The man’s eyes suddenly dart upwards to look at Tsukishima. The blonde is taller than him by a few inches, but Yamaguchi’s father has a slightly stronger build and a stern face, making him more intimidating. The man’s eyebrows raise for a second, almost as if he just noticed him standing amongst the group.

“And who’s he?” He asks, pointing at him and looking between his ex-wife and son. Before either of them speak, Tsukishima answers.

“I’m a friend of Tadashi.” He makes sure he says his name loud and clear. The way his father flinches when he hears it does not go unnoticed. Tsukishima forces himself to not put on his sinister smile, the kind he uses when he’s purposely getting under someone’s skin.

“Ah, well,” he stammers. “It’s nice to hear that sh— he actually has friends.” He then turns back to Yamaguchi’s mother. “We should get going.” He picks up his dropped luggage and makes his way to the parking lot. 

Yamaguchi’s mother begrudgingly follows her ex-husband to the car. Tsukishima starts to follow behind her before noticing that Yamaguchi hasn’t moved. He peers over his shoulder and sees him still standing in his same spot, his entire body tense. He reaches over to put a hand on his shoulder and turn him around to look at his face. His jaw is tightly clenched, teeth scraping together, brows furrowed. He’s obviously trying to hold in tears, or screams.

Tsukishima places a gentle hand to the back of Yamaguchi’s head and presses him into his chests, rubbing his soft hair. Yamaguchi takes his fists and grabs hold of Tsukki’s school uniform. He’s shaking, but there are no tears. Tsukki feels it; it’s pure anger.

“I’m right here, Tadashi. I’m still here.”

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow so this took me forever to write. Sorry for taking so long to update. I’ve been under some stress lately and I honestly didn’t even mean to make this chapter so long. And also oops this is the 2nd fic where I’ve written Yamaguchi in pain. I swear I love him but he’s my comfort character and I gotta project my insecurities onto him to cope.


	3. To Be Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honey, when you kill the lights and kiss my eyes  
> I feel like a person for a moment of my life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: transphobia/misgendering, mild sexual content

Shallow, raspy breaths press against Tsukishima’s chest as Yamaguchi continues to hold on to his shirt. Every exhale is warm and ragged. Tsukki keeps on rubbing his back, hoping to eventually calm him down enough to go back to the parking lot. Below him, Yamaguchi dryly swallows and the rate of his breathing dips. The grip on his uniform lessens, and Tsukishima takes his chances.

“How’re you feeling?”

Yamaguchi simply grunts in response. He keeps his forehead pressed against Tsukishima’s chest so he can’t even take a look at his face. He feels a twinge of hopelessness in his gut.

“We should get back soon.”

He nods. Tsukki looks down at him, lost. He wishes, for nobody’s sake other than Yamaguchi’s, that he was better with people. He wishes he knew how to empathize, how to comfort, how to at least talk to them. He awkwardly grooms his hair with his fingers until Yamaguchi pulls away from him and makes his way to the car. Tsukishima follows.

The two finally arrive at the car with Yamaguchi’s parents already waiting inside. Yamaguchi takes the seat behind the passenger seat where his father is sitting so he won’t have to look at him. Instead, he keeps his eyes on Tsukki for the entire trip. His mother leaves the train station’s parking lot and drives them back home. The ride starts off uncomfortably quiet, the air thick with angry tension until Yamaguchi’s father breaks the silence.

“I never got your name, by the way. Yamaguchi’s friend.” He keeps his eyes on the road ahead, an elbow on the window sill, his chin in his hand. Tsukki blinks at the sudden attention. He suddenly prefers the silence.

“Tsukishima.”

“Hm. How long have you known Yamaguchi, Tsukishima?”

God, he suddenly feels like he’s being interviewed. He glances over at Yamaguchi and they make eye contact. His stare is pleading, but it gives Tsukki no hints as to how he should handle this conversation.

“I’ve known him since the fifth grade. We met when we were ten.”

Tsukishima takes his eyes off of Yamaguchi and looks at his father. He sees him nodding slowly as if he’s putting puzzle pieces together in his head. He’s almost startled when the man suddenly turns his head around to look at him. His eyes are cold, almost dead. Tsukishima can't believe that this man is related to Yamaguchi. That he raised him for at least ten years before he met him.

“Tsukishima, there are some things that you may not know about Yamaguchi.”

Yamaguchi’s mother whips her head around and opens her mouth to reprimand him, but Tsukki retaliates first.

“No, I think I know plenty.”

Yamaguchi’s father turns his head back to its original spot, and so does his mother. The rest of the ride is dead silent. As the car makes its way into their neighborhood, it’s Yamaguchi’s turn to speak up.

“Hey, mom. Tsukki and I have to study for a test this coming week. Can I stay at his place for the weekend?”

Tsukishima side-eyes him, but this time Yamaguchi avoids his gaze. As far as he can remember, they didn’t have any tests set for this week, and they certainly didn’t plan on having a study session.

“Oh! Uh, sure. Do you need to pick anything up from home first?” His mother asks, and from the tone of her voice she seems just as confused as Tsukishima.

“No, I already packed some stuff in my bag beforehand. You can just drop me off at his place.” Yamaguchi eventually looks over at him. His eyes are uneasy, pleading for him to go along with him. Tsukishima gives a single sharp nod and breaks eye contact.

They arrive at Tsukishima’s home and both boys get ready to exit the car before Yamaguchi’s father stops them. He turns over to Tsukishima, boring his gaze into him. He fires back with a similar look.

“Tsukishima, give us a call if Yamaguchi is causing you any trouble. She has a habit of making people uneasy.”

In under a second, Yamaguchi is leaving the car and slamming the door behind him. Tsukishima waits a few seconds longer, staring down his father with dangerous eyes. His knuckles go white while holding the door handle. No words leave him; he’s too infuriated to find anything to say. He departs from the vehicle and follows Yamaguchi to the front door. The car pulls away from the driveway and disappears. Once they enter Tsukki’s house, something inside Yamaguchi snaps.

He collapses to the floor on his knees with a solid thud. He shoves the collar of his school uniform into his mouth like a gag. Even with the barrier of cloth, the scream that escapes his throat echoes through the hallway, raw and violent.

Tsukishima lands on the floor alongside Yamaguchi to quiet his brutal cries. He struggles to pry away the cloth from his clenched teeth. Eventually, Yamaguchi's jaw goes slack and the shirt is freed from his mouth. He remains on the floor, panting heavily. Sweat glistens on his forehead and his entire body trembles. Tsukishima rises to his feet and attempts to get Yamaguchi up too by tugging on his sleeve, but to no avail. Then, a set of footsteps hurries towards the front entrance.

"Hey, is everything okay over here?" A tall blonde figure suddenly appears in the doorway. The two look up and see Akiteru standing there, face contorted with worry and confusion. "I heard someone fall.” As he hesitantly approaches them, Yamaguchi bolts up.

"S-sorry! I'm so sorry, Akiteru," Yamaguchi apologizes, repeatedly bowing deeply. "God, I didn't even think- I didn't know someone else was home. I'm sorry."

When Yamaguchi rightens up, Akiteru walks over to him and puts a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, hey. You don't need to apologize. I just thought someone had gotten hurt. Are you okay?"

"Uh, yes. I'm fine. It's just..." He suddenly falters. He looks over at Tsukishima to take over for him, and he doesn't hesitate to continue.

"His dad is visiting." Tskishima crosses his arms and scoffs. An abrupt tremble runs up his spine like the striking of a match when he remembers what that man said to him before leaving the car. "I've only met him today and I can't even stand him."

"Oh, I understand," Akiteru says, rubbing the shoulder his hand is still placed on. "Well, Tadashi. You're always welcome to stay here whenever you'd like. You are Kei's boyfriend, after all. You're practically family to us!"

Yamaguchi's face suddenly flashes with a beaming smile. A sugar-sweet laugh echoes from him and the mood in the room flips like a switch. Tsukishima, in any other situation, would chastise his older brother for saying something so cheesy and embarrassing him in front of his boyfriend. He had already embarrassed him enough when he first announced that they were dating. But, seeing Yamaguchi smile, seeing him _laugh_ for the first time since they arrived at the train station truly sparks something in him.

“Also, mom’s doing a late shift at work today, so she won’t be here until later. I was planning on heading out to go get some food. You two stay here and relax,” his older brother announces as he slips on his shoes left near the doorway and grabs the keys. Tsukishima nods in response, and after ruffling his hair (much to Tsukki’s annoyance and Yamaguchi’s amusement), he’s out the door.

“You’re brother’s sweet, Tsukki.”

“Sweet but irritating,” he mutters, fixing his blonde hair. “He wouldn’t stop asking about you after I told him we were dating.”

“So he’s like Hinata?”

“God, if he was anywhere as bad as Hinata, I would have kicked him out of the family by now.”

Yamaguchi snickers at his comment and Tsukishima internally celebrates his unfailing ability to make his boyfriend laugh. As he leads Yamaguchi to his bedroom, the freckled boy speaks.

“I, um, actually lied about packing stuff in my bag beforehand. It was just an excuse I made at the last second. So—“

“Yeah, I figured. It’s okay, I can lend you some of my clothes. You can even take a shower while you’re here, too, if you want.” Tsukishima digs around through several of his drawers and pulls out an old sleep shirt, sweatpants, a pair of boxers, and a towel.

"Here, take these," he says extending the pile towards him. "I think they should fit."

"Oh, I don't- I mean, okay. Are you sure you don't mind?" Yamaguchi awkwardly takes the pile that Tsukki hands him.

"It's fine. I don't want you sleeping in your uniform anyway." Tsukki sits at his desk and opens up his laptop. The white light of the screen illuminates his face. "Go ahead and shower. I'll go after you."

Yamaguchi smiles fondly, waiting. "You're so strange, Tsukki."

"Huh?" Tsukishima hums, looking over his shoulder.

"You're usually so possessive with your things. You'd never let anyone borrow your clothes like this."

"Tsukki stares blankly at him, and Yamaguchi thinks that he's overstepped some sort of boundary and suddenly regrets his words. He almost apologizes until he hears Tsukki laugh.

"I guess so. But you're different." He turns back to his laptop and starts typing. Yamaguchi can see by the ways the corners of his eyes crinkle that he's still smiling. He walks out of his room and heads to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. There's a faint heat rising to his cheeks. His heart flutters at the thought of being different. No, not just being different, but being different to _Tsukki_. Of being someone's exception, of being their only. It's a different form of intimacy that Yamaguchi would have never even imagined.

He quickly undresses, intended on showering as fast as possible to let Tsukishima in shortly after. Once he's fully unclothed, however, he catches a quick glance of his reflection in the mirror and stops. It's weird, almost, seeing his nude body in someone else's bathroom instead of his own. The walls are painted a light shade of teal with white accents. It's a lot colder, too. His bare feet shift around the frigid tile floor beneath them. His hands grip the edge of the porcelain sink.

He's covered in freckles; he's always known that, but under the harsher, white light of Tsukishima's bathroom they're a lot more present. His chest is relatively flat, flatter than it was last month, he notices. The bottom edge of the mirror ends his reflection a few centimeters below his navel. He looks over everything again, from the annoying flyaway piece at the top of his head to his stomach. He then pries his eyes away from the mirror and gets in the shower.

The shower ends up being a few minutes longer than Yamaguchi originally intended. After stepping into the hot, almost blistering, water, he greedily takes his time to let himself get completely soaked. In under a minute, the bitter cold atmosphere of the bathroom turns humid. Yamaguchi washes himself with the bottles sitting along the shelf. He recognizes the sweet scent of vanilla and lavender that he always finds lingering from Tsukishima.

He steps out of the shower and dries himself off with the towel Tsukki gave him, which, funnily enough, is decorated with cartoon dinosaurs. He grins. When dry, Yamaguchi puts on the clothes Tsukishima lent him. The boxers and sweatpants fit well, but the shirt hangs off of him. He doesn't complain though. He holds the shirt up to his nose and inhales, smiling at the familiar smell of Tsukki's home.

It's oddly intimate, Yamaguchi finds, to wear Tsukishima's clothes. To be naked in his bathroom. To shower with his lavender-scented shampoo. His heart stammers for a second at the strange sign of affection. Before he can let his mind wander even farther, he leaves the bathroom and returns to the bedroom. There he finds Tsukishima still sitting at his desk working on a homework assignment. Yamaguchi shoves his uniform into his bag that sits atop the twin-sized bed.

“Sorry. I think I took longer than I probably should have,” he says, putting his backpack on the floor and reclining on the mattress. It dips under his weight.

“It’s fine,” Tsukki replies as he saves whatever he’s working on and closes the laptop. He wanders over to the edge of his bed and sits down, his back facing Yamaguchi. A deep sigh leaves his chest and the room is filled with patient silence before he speaks. “I’m sorry.”

“Huh? What are you sorry for?” Yamaguchi asks, sitting up.

“I... okay, this is probably something stupid, but—“

“It’s not stupid!”

“You didn’t even know what I was going to say.”

Yamaguchi latches a hand on to Tsukishima’s shoulder and forces him to face him. Their eyes meet, and with a steady voice Yamaguchi repeats, “It’s not stupid.”

Tsukki sighs and casts his eyes down. “I’m not good with people. I’m not good at talking, and I’m definitely not good at comforting people. Like when we were at the train station and you were mad and... I didn’t know what to do. And you stormed off and I felt like I did something wrong. So, I’m sorry if I don’t do a good job when you need me.”

There’s silence, heavy and still. Tsukishima waits, eyes still lowered, looking down at a particular spot on the blanket between them. Then, Yamaguchi shifts on to his knees and pulls him close into a tight embrace.

“God, I love you so much. Even if you feel like you're not doing a good job, you are. You are because you're there and that's enough for me."

Tsukishima could cry. If he really let himself, we would cry. But it's a lot. A lot of emotion and vulnerability. It's almost too much, and Tsukki isn't ready for that. And he isn't sure if Yamaguchi is ready for that either. So instead he smiles, nuzzling his face into his boyfriend's shoulder and drawing him even closer. He inhales and notices the familiar scent of vanilla from his own body wash. He chuckles, lightly shaking the both of them.

"You smell nice," his voice is slightly muffled from being pressed into Yamaguchi's (well, his own) shirt.

"Weirdo," Yamaguchi teases. "Now I know why you always smell so good."

"Yeah."

"Except now, though, cause you still need to shower," he jokes, shoving Tsukki off his shoulder. The blonde, however, resists and presses his body weight on to Yamaguchi, toppling the freckled teen over. Yamaguchi stares up at him, hazel eyes blown wide. Their faces are so close. Their breaths stir between them, warm. Tsukishima pulls just a few inches away to remove his glasses and set them on the bedside table, then returns to place a ginger kiss on the corner of Yamaguchi's mouth.

Yamaguchi smiles and reaches his hands up to hold Tsukki's face and stroke his reddened cheeks with his thumbs. Tsukki looks down at him, eyes heavy-lidded and intense. The light from his desk lamp bounces off his golden eyes, making them glow in the dim room.

"You," Yamaguchi breathes, "have the most beautiful eyes."

Tsukishima's heart drums rapidly against his ribcage, and he's sure Yamaguchi can hear it, too. He dips down and leaves several kisses along his jaw, kissing every individual freckle he can find. In a single rushed motion, he rolls his hips against him, eliciting a small whine from Yamaguchi's lips. Something within him strikes, hot and fervid like a firecracker.

Tsukishima presses Yamaguchi deeper into his mattress, burying his head into his neck. He inhales, once again taking in the aroma of lavender, vanilla, and Yamaguchi's skin. Tenderly, he traces his parted lips across his freckled collarbones, just barely exposed above the oversized shirt. Yamaguchi sighs beneath him. Arms wrap around Tsukishima's back, pleading. Begging.

_"Tsukki."_

The blonde kisses his Adam's apple, feeling the light vibration as Yamaguchi hums in satisfaction. A stray hand wanders down his stomach and dips under the hem of his shirt. His hand explores the warm skin of Yamaguchi's waist and hips. Neat fingernails scrape along the area just above the waistband of his boxers. In a sudden rush of adrenaline, Tsukishima drags his heavy tongue along his throat. Yamaguchi practically purrs.

"Ah- _Tsukki."_

"It’s okay. I've got you."

Tsukishima pants against his neck. The muscles of Yamaguchi's throat contract and shift as he swallows. While the hand under his shirt traces his hip bone, the other moves up to his face and brushes a few stray strands of hair away from his face. He looks up at Tsukki, counting every individual eyelash. He parts his lips and brings Tsukishima's face even closer to his. Nose to nose, the blonde clasps his mouth against Yamaguchi's. His tongue brushes against his bottom lip, and he feels one of Yamaguchi's hand twitch against his back, grasping on to his shirt.

He withdraws from the kiss for a second, a single line of spit hanging between them. Yamaguchi whines from being deprived of Tsukishima's mouth. Tsukki thumbs the corner of his boyfriend's lips. He's breathing heavily, his chest rising and falling at a violent rate. He then looks over his shoulder. Yamaguchi follows his gaze and sees a set of red numbers on an alarm clock on Tsukki's desk. It reads 7:45.

"Sh- dammit. I should-" Tsukishima doesn't complete his thought as he pulls away from Yamaguchi.

"What? Is something wrong?" He frets, sitting up. “Did we- is this too much?”

"Wh- no! No, no, it's not that. My mom should be here any minute and I haven't even showered yet," he explains as he pulls some clothes and a towel from his drawers. "Don't worry. If she shows up before I'm done then just say I'm in the shower. My brother should show up a little bit afterward with the food." He rushes over to him, bends down, and places a quick kiss on his forehead. After he leaves to go to the bathroom, Yamaguchi flops back down on to the bed.

When the alarm clock reads 7:58, the sound of a sliding door from the front entrance of the house signals Tsukishima’s mother’s arrival. Yamaguchi forces himself off the bed to greet her, awkwardness and all. He’s always been anxious around adults, but ever since he was young Tsukki’s mother has always shown a fondness for her son’s closest friend. After the reveal of their relationship, Tsukki has told him about his mother’s overwhelming acceptance and (to quote him exactly) “annoying curiosity.” 

They share a hug as Tsukki’s mom tells him how much he’s grown. Yamaguchi explains that Tsukishima is taking a shower, and she nods, then signals him to take a seat at the table as she brews a pot of tea, chamomile. He likes his sweet with a little bit of sugar and honey. Tsukki always comments on how overly-sweet he makes it, but Yamaguchi usually retaliates by poking fun at his boyfriend’s love of sugary strawberry shortcake. As the kettle chimes and she pours each of them a cup, Akiteru finally arrives home with the food. He joins them at the table and they start eating, making light conversation in between.

“Oh, I remember when you and Kei were so young. You’d stop by and ask to play all the time,” Tsukki’s mother reminisces.

“Yeah, Tsukki was... he was a good friend,” Yamaguchi adds.

“Kei would come home and you’d be all he would talk about,” Akiteru mentions. “He hardly ever talked to us at all, but when he did, it was only about you.”

Yamaguchi is almost taken aback. Heat flushes over his face, imagining a young Tsukishima talking about _him._ No one ever really talked about him, unless it was in a negative light. He’d hear bullies whisper to each other about his scrawniness or his freckles. Other times it was his own father arguing with his mother about his odd, boyish fashion choices and interests. To hear that he was all Tsukishima talked about makes his heart beat a little faster.

“You know, Kei wasn’t that great at making friends. He was always kinda brash and stand-offish, and he didn’t get along with the other kids. But then, one day, he came home and when I asked him how his day went, he said ‘I made a friend.’ And I’m pretty sure a teared up and hugged him, and he was super embarrassed,” he continues, voice falling into a chuckle at the end. “But, you’re really important to him, Tadashi. And he really loves you.”

He stops talking, and Yamaguchi almost wants him to continue just to fill up the dense silence in the room. He’s speechless, motionless. His brain takes a moment to start up again, and he smiles, nodding.

“I really love him, too.”

There’s more quietness, tranquil this time, as they continue eating. The faint sound of footsteps from the hallway heads in their direction, and from the doorway of the dining room a head of damp blonde hair pokes out. Tsukishima stands there as all three heads turn towards him, a towel hanging over his shoulders. He’s wearing a cotton shirt with a small star stitched right above his heart and a pair of pajama shorts that end above his pale knees.

His mother waves him over to join them, and he reluctantly does, muttering that he isn’t even hungry as he sits down next to Yamaguchi, bumping their knees together in the process.

“Just have a little,” his mother insists. “You’re so thin. You should eat more, especially if you’re doing sports.”

Tsukki sighs as he grabs his own chopsticks and leans over to pick up a piece of shrimp tempura from Yamaguchi’s plate. It’s gotten to room temperature by now, but he doesn’t complain. Tsukishima only complains about things like straining himself during practice or annoying people like Hinata; he never complains about little things like lukewarm food or homework. He presses right against his shoulder as he does, and Yamaguchi takes the opportunity to lean into him, tucking his head under Tsukki’s chin. Tsukishima also has a habit of complaining about too much touch, too much physical contact, no matter from who. Yamaguchi proves himself to be an exception.

“Oh, you two look so cute like that!” Tsukki’s mother gushes. “I should take a picture.” And she does, swiping her phone from her pocket and snapping a few quick, blurry photos. A majority of them include Tsukishima holding his hand over his face while Yamaguchi smiles, holding up a peace sign.

“Please don’t send those to anybody. And definitely don’t post them anywhere,” Tsukki reprimands, face flushed with red. He’s pulled away from Yamaguchi’s space, but the other boy still lingers against his shoulder.

“Send then to me, though! I wanna keep them,” Yamaguchi chimes. Tsukishima almost argues against it, but looking down at Yamaguchi’s beaming face, dusted with pink blush and freckles, he gives in and doesn’t say anything as his mother sends him the multiple unfocused pictures. Instead, he lifts himself off the floor and announces that he’s off to bed.

“I’ll go, too,” Yamaguchi adds, following Tsukki’s actions with his dishes in hand. “Uh, thank you for letting me stay for the weekend. Sorry for the sudden intrusion.”

“Hey, don’t apologize. We've always loved having you here, Tadashi," Akiteru disputes. "You can leave the dishes by the sink. I'm sure the two of you are exhausted."

Yamaguchi does as he's told, but not before Tsukishima plucks the teacup from his hand and takes a curious sip of the last remaining drops of now cold tea. He frowns and sets the cup in the sink, then puts a solid hand on Yamaguchi's hand and leads him to the bathroom. "You always take your tea so sweet. You're gonna be hyper all night."

"Nobody asked you to drink it, Tsukki," he jabs back. Tsukishima is silent with defeat and Yamaguchi grins.

The two of them brush their teeth shoulder to shoulder in front of the mirror. Tsukishima has Yamaguchi borrow a spare toothbrush stored away in the bathroom cabinet, and Yamaguchi jokes that he should use Tsukki's instead, just to get a reaction. He's effectively grossed out, and the other apologizes, nudging him in the side with an elbow. After his teeth are clean, he spits out the mint toothpaste and rinses, then turns to Yamaguchi while he’s still busy.

"Y’know, I never got to finish what I started.”

“Huh?” It’s muffled by the foaming toothpaste still in his mouth. He’s not entirely paying attention, continuously staring at himself in the mirror.

“Earlier today, when we kissed.” There’s a short pause as he collects his words. He’s still not looking at him as he spits into the sink. “I wanted to...um, go further. Make you feel good.”

The speed at which Yamaguchi pulls his head back to stare at him is in competition with Hinata’s spikes. His eyes are blown wide open and his cheeks are flushed red. He blinks a few times just to make sure this isn’t some dream or trick or illusion. “Really? With me? You wanted to— oh.”

“Yeah, I did. But... it’s late now and we’re tired, so—“

“Oh! Yeah, yeah, we don’t have to do anything tonight if you don’t want to. We still have tomorrow.”

“Yeah, tomorrow’s good.”

There’s silence afterwards. It’s awkward, but not comfortable; it’s light and sweet like tea. They turn to leave the bathroom and head back to Tsukishima’s bedroom to rest for the night.

Tsukki climbs into his bed first with Yamaguchi following shortly after. He has one arm laying under his boyfriend’s head and the other holding his around the waist. The freckled teen nuzzles his head into the other’s shirt, embracing the warm body heat and the delicate scent of lavender.

"Your family is really nice," Yamaguchi confides as he lightly grips the front of his boyfriend's shirt. The cotton is soft between his fingers.

"Mhm. I guess I stick out among them." It's clearly a joke, but there's a hint of genuine hurt in his tone.

"That's not what I'm saying!"

"I know. Just joking. Yeah, I get what you mean." Tsukishima exhales and holds him a little closer, burying his head into Yamaguchi's hair. "I wish I was a little more like them though. Warm and welcoming. Just to make things easier for you. Make you feel better when you need it."

He squeezes the arms that wrap around Tsukki's waist. "You _are_ warm."

"And welcoming?"

He laughs. "That too."

"Thank you,” he says, kissing the top of his head. “Now go to sleep.”

Yamaguchi does not. “And you do make me feel better when I need you. You don’t have to change any thing about you. I like you.”

“Sleep, Tadashi.”

“I know! I just wanted to make that clear.”

“It’s crystal clear. Now shush.”

He lets out a soft giggle. “G’night.”

“Night.”

“Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

“Love you more.”

“Shut up, Tadashi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok wow this took my absolutely forever to write. Sorry for not updating in such a long time. Anyways hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Also at this point I can’t tell if I like writing angsty stuff or fluffy stuff more lmao


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